


A Head Full of Doubt

by Agro



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, POV First Person, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-05 08:21:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5368256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agro/pseuds/Agro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chat loses confidence in himself and after failing to regain it while talking to Ladybug, tries to find another outlet to talk to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Black Cat in Darkness

Since I was little, I was told time and time again the importance of maintaining a cool air– of acting calm and collected, to maintain a dignified appearance. If I didn’t, it would reflect poorly on my father, and could hurt our social standing in Paris. In retrospect, it sounds more like a threat than a warning, but how could a child have been expected to do anything but follow orders when there was a chance the only people in his life could abandon him if he stepped out of line?

So when I first found that ring and met that dumb little kwami– when I first became the Parisian hero, Chat Noir– when my actions and personality finally were separated from my civilian life by a black, leather mask– you can imagine how happy I was to finally try to be myself. Try, being the key word. Even now, I still put up fronts. Even in front of _her_.

“Have I ever mentioned how you glow in the evening lights, my ladybug?” I purred, smiling widely.

“Several times, kitty cat,” she said, turning to face me, arms crossed.

Her deep blue eyes were half shut, giving me a disapproving look for the comment, only cast in a positive light by the smirk stretching along the left side of her face.

“I didn’t expect to see you out this late, Chat,” she commented, turning back to look out over the city, “There isn’t much happening, anyway.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” I said, stepping up next to her and tilting my head to look at her out of the corner of my eye. “Being able to spend any meaningful time with you is quite hap _paw_ ning.”

She rolled her eyes when she heard the pun tacked on at the end. I like getting her to do that– it lets me take in every centimeter of her deep blue irises, and drown in them completely.

“You’re lucky there’s no akuma around right now,” she sighed, “It would have been a great excuse to get you to keep quiet.”

“My lady, you needn’t go to such lengths. If I were _bugging_ you that badly, you know all you’d need do is call _meowt_.”

“Oh really?” she said, chuckling. “Is that all?”

“Does milady not trust me?” I responded, pulling my palm to my chest in a mock expression of shock. “Clearly you underestimate me.”

Every time I joke about us like this, I always set her up to answer negatively to that question– of trust. One of these days I just expect her to see right through me, cut through my seams and let the stuffing fall out. Instead she endears herself to me even more.

“Don’t be silly. How could I not trust my partner? How many Akumas do you think I could have beaten without you?”

My mind immediately jumped to when Kim was akumatized. Not because I was more of a detriment to her than a help in purifying Dark Cupid, but because that day was the last time I’d felt as much of an urge to confess my love to her.

My words lay dormant in my throat. Unable to face the calm and forward gaze Ladybug offered. Instead, I closed my eyes and smirked.

“I’m glad to hear my lady needs me,” I responded.       

She let loose a breath of a chuckle, smiling back.    

I was always happy to see her smile when I called her by my pet name for her. It was the luckiest pun I’ve ever offered her.

“You do flirt too much, though,” she said, poking me in the arm.

“Only with you,” I raised my hand openly in the air beside me, “I promise.”

“Sure you do,” she said, smirking.

“Are you _sure_ you trust me?”

“I already told you I have to, didn’t I?”

“Yes, my lady, but,” I said, leaning in as I turned to her, “I’m asking if you _want_ to.” 

She gave me a confused look as she stood in silence for several seconds before finally responding, “Well… yeah.”

“Are you _sure_?”

She sighed again, folding her arms. I was pushing too much, but I had a goal at the time and I wanted so badly to reach it.

“I’ve already told you several times, haven’t I?”

“Yes, but my ego needs petting. Humor me.”

“Honestly, Chat, I don’t think your ego needs much more of anything.”

“You’d be surprised,” I responded.

“Apparently,” she said, raising an eyebrow, “So what do I need to do to prove it to you?”

“Well there is one easy way,” I said, a sly tone enveloping my voice as I circled behind her, watching as her head tilted from right to left to keep me in her sight.

The muscles on her back tensed up. I should have known then and there to stop. I just couldn’t help myself. I regretted the words the second they left my mouth.

“We’ve known each other for so long. Been through so many battles,” I said as I turned to her to give her the same look as I had when I had first arrived. “Don’t you think that we’ve gone long enough together to finally start _really_ getting to know each other?”

The problem wasn’t that I’d asked her this– the request itself, to a first-time onlooker, might seem like a reasonable question– the problem was that this wasn’t the first time I had pushed the topic, and it certainly wasn’t the first time she’d declined.

“Sorry Chat,” she said, unable to even look in my general direction, “I’ve already told you. You know I can’t.”

I turned my own face away from her as a cringe quickly enveloped it. I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry with myself as I was in that moment, both for asking the question, but also for the part of me that had held out hope that I could actually get an acceptance rather than a rejection.

She knew that she could trust me to respect her privacy, but I had always had a hard time leaving alone the wall she’d set up between her civilian life and Chat. Perhaps if I just hadn’t pushed so constantly, she would have already opened a door for me.           

_Maybe that’s why she can’t trust me._

I sighed. It was that thought that tore at me the most. Behind all the teasing I had done about her trust in me, part of myself truly believed in it. Beneath every self-deprecating joke laid a hint of doubt.

“Chat?” Her whispered voice brought me back into the moment. “Are you alright?”

I readied my smile and closed my eyes in an attempt to mask any unwanted emotion that might have escaped through them. 

“It’s alright, my lady,” I said, turning to her, “If you don’t want me to push any _fur_ ther, I’ll willingly oblige.”

What a lie.

“Alright… If you say so,” she said, walking up to me and enwrapping me a quick hug.

She really is unfair sometimes. 

“Goodnight, kitty cat." 

Before I had come back to my senses, she had disappeared over the rooftops into the soft glow of the Parisian lights.

 - - - - - - - - - - 

“What am I doing here?” I muttered under my breath.

I was nearly home when all my thoughts collided into one another and I came to the conclusion that I needed someone to talk to. Someone who wouldn’t mind me venting. I could count on my fingers the number of possible candidates, and it took only a few seconds for most every one of those fingers to fold.

I would have loved more than anything to talk to Nino, but this was a problem of Chat Noir’s, not Adrien Agreste’s. And while I’m sure she would have been heavily interested, it’s that exact type of interest– and my need to speak on Ladybug, in particular– that quickly cut Nino’s childhood friend and “Ladyblog” owner, Alya, out of the picture as well. Of course my father and Nathalie were out of the question, and from experience, I knew Chloe wouldn’t be of any help to Chat Noir– and of the wrong kind of help to Adrien Agreste.

At that point, trying to choose someone relied almost entirely on finding anyone who had interacted with Chat Noir and had actually taken interest, which left me with two possible options: either Marinette, who had helped me in trying to track down Nathanael when he had been akumatized, or one of the pigeons in the park that the Monsieur tried to kill me with. To be completely honest, I was leaning towards the latter– if only because Marinette had fangirled when she first met Chat.

And yet there I was, sitting on the railing of her balcony, trying to rush through my memories of her to piece together any sign that perhaps she would find interest in giving Chat an ear for his troubles.

What luck I had, then, that almost immediately, the question dissipated into the air like an exhaled breath as a voice called out my name in a stunned whisper.

“Chat Noir?”

I looked back to see Marinette’s head drop back down below the threshold of the skylight in the roof, her blue-highlighted hair just barely visible above the wooden border.

A smile– a real one, all wide and carefree; the kind that only Ladybug has ever been able to drag out of me– broke upon my face as she peeked back up again, making sure that she wasn’t seeing things and that Chat Noir himself had graced her with his presence. (I could only assume.)

“Hello, princess,” I said, forwardly.

“Chat Noir?” She asked, timidly, in the same way she talked to Adrien. “W-what are you doing here?”

It was hard to blame her for being caught off-guard, but her reaction was a lot less enthusiastic than I was expecting. She hadn’t seen Chat Noir in person since she had helped me try to capture an akumatized Nathanael. Back then she’d actually fangirled in front of me. This time, however, it didn’t seem that I was going to be as lucky.

“Aw, come now,” I said, turning on the railing and setting my feet, crossed on the ground, “Can’t a prince come see his princess every once in a while?”

She shifted a little lower into the threshold. I’d imagine she was trying to hide something, but in the light, it would have been impossible to tell anyway. Slowly, she climbed out and shut the window behind her. As she slowly inched towards me on the dimly lit balcony, I noticed that, at least, she was smiling.

“Really?” She said, almost a too emphatically, “But why would you want to see me?”

“Well, actually,” I tried not to drop my tone so drastically, but as I paused there was nothing helping it from doing so. I couldn’t give her the impression that I came to flirt with her when, in actuality, “I just needed someone to talk to… if that’s alright?”

She had gotten close enough that I could make out the raise in her eyebrows as she listened to my request.

“W-why me?” she said, more calmly, “Don’t you have Ladybug?”

“Well… I didn’t want to bother her with this, and…” my jaw shifted back and forth as I turned my gaze away from her. “I don’t really have anyone else to talk about ‘Chat’ things with. I know it sounds silly but you were the only person I could think of.”

“Really…?” her completely astounded tone stood in stark contrast to the first time she has asked that question that night. It almost sounded disheartened. I didn’t want to win Marinette over with pity, but I’d take it.           

I had lost attentiveness as I heard response, and I almost fell over the railing when she put a hand on my shoulder.         

“It’s alright Chat, you can talk to me,” she said.          

Marinette was a weird girl. In school she could hardly get a word in without stuttering when talking to me. With Chat, both back when I first met her in costume and now, it was as if nothing could stop her. Almost like she was showing off for the hero.          

“What did you need to talk about?” she asked, “Is it about Ladybug?”          

She knew how to get to the heart of the matter. Though considering she knew I didn’t go to Ladybug about an issue I had as Chat, I guess there’s nothing else it could have been about.         

“Well it’s more about me,” I responded, “But yeah, it has to do with Ladybug.”         

“What happened?” she asked, emphatically again, like the very thought of the two of us having issues was impossible. If only she knew.         

It was only when she asked that I noticed how tense I’d become, and I probably looked more awkward trying to relax than I would have if I had just left myself like a piece of ply wood. She definitely noticed.         

“Did she say something?”         

“No, it’s just…” I was having a hard time figuring out how to put my thoughts and emotions into words. No matter how much more openly expressive I could be as Chat than Adrien, it was still hard figuring out how.     

Marinette looked like she was fighting emotions of her own. Her brow ridge waved back and forth between concerned and distressed.      

“Am I annoying?” I had gotten the fringe of the real question out of my mouth– in a hopeful attempt she’d be able to dig up the rest.     

“Not at all!” Her tone was a mix of confusion and comfort, but her face belied the idea that she was done, leaving us both in an awkward silence for several seconds. I’d have traded years to know what she was thinking in those moments. “I mean…”        

She stopped herself to sigh. At least I knew that she was going to be truthful with me.        

“Your flirting. _I_ think it’s cute, but… I guess I can see why someone could find it off-putting,” she said. “You do kind of throw yourself out there.”         

She had made the jump to what I was thinking. Ladybug had joked one time about how I was the best at bugging others. Knowing my own joking, it was hard not imagining that there was some truth behind what she said.         

“Especially after a while, you know? I can imagine it might get, you know, tiring,” she finished in a struggle. “Does that make sense?”        

“Yeah…” I answered.         

“Especially if there’s someone else she’s interested in,” she added.         

That one hurt to hear, but she wasn’t wrong.        

“Well, you know Chlo-,” she said before stopping herself, tilting her head for a moment, “Have you ever met Chloe Bourgeois, the mayor’s daughter?”         

“A few times, yeah,” I raised an eyebrow. I had known Chloe since I was little. As Chat, I recalled that she had been in the middle of more than a few of the akuma attacks, with the most notable, coincidentally, being just before I had introduced Chat to Marinette.          

Looking back, it was probably Chloe’s fault I acted the way I did when I met her, then. I consider Chloe a friend– if it wasn’t for her, I’d have probably been a lot worse off as a person after my mother passed away– but even I can admit she can be more than a little grating at times. If Chloe hadn’t annoyed Ladybug, she probably would have joined me to meet with Marinette, and we probably would have purified Nathanael on the first try. More importantly, after wearing on me a bit too much, I may or may not have been a little overemphatic in my flirting with Marinette right after…          

It didn’t take long to realize it was probably that wear that Chloe could deliver that Marinette was about to connect to Chat, although not at all in the way I was expecting.      

“Well, she’s constantly throwing herself at this guy I like at school, and-,” Marinette seemed to catch herself. It was obvious she didn’t want to confess she liked someone at school, and I felt a little bad knowing I was too curious to just forget she said it– a curiosity I must have been expressing too greatly at the time. “I-I don’t want you to think this is just jealousy or anything. It’s just that she always throws her arms around him and acts like they’re a couple or something, and not once has he ever showed any signs of returning her feelings.”   

Scratch what I said earlier. There wasn’t a chance I could have ignored what she said even if I had tried. There was only one person that Chloe would act like that with: me.

It was at that moment that I knew exactly how Ladybug must have felt. Chloe can rub others the wrong way often. If there’s any deadly sin she chooses to ignore, it’s pride, and she had it in spades. It’s something I’d learned to tolerate over the years– helped by the fact she treats me as an equal more than she does to others– but more and more recently, I’d been siding against her, especially when she’d be causing issues for our classmates.

But above all else, what I had a hard time dealing with _was_ the way she threw herself at me. I can’t count the number of times I’d recoiled from her when she treated me like some teddy bear, nor how much I dreaded having to kiss her for Nino’s video.

And yet, why had I never told her off? And more importantly, why was it that Ladybug never did the same to Chat? She should have had more of a reason to, I thought, after all, it wasn’t like there was anyone else to call me out like Marinette was doing… or like Marinette always did to Chloe in class.

And it was then that I became a lot more aware of the girl in front of me, looking fairly uncomfortable with the silence after she had finished. This Marinette, who I had seen act so confident when she worked with Chat, and when she stood up to Chloe. Could she really have become so shy with me just because she liked me?

I felt bad that I wanted to push her on it more, and– as the boy she liked– that I was going to keep talking to her about it as Chat. 

“That reminds me,” I smiled, “What’s it like going to school with a famous model?”

Marinette’s cheeks were much darker in hue than the glimmer that the orange evening lights would have cast.

“You figured it out that fast?” she asked, realizing I knew of whom she was referring to.

“Let’s just say I know a little bit more about the wealthier members of this city than you’d think,” I chuckled. Somehow this conversation had drifted far away from its initial purpose, and I’m not sure it bothered me in the slightest.

“Well… yeah, it’s nice,” she said, finally answering my question.

“If I may ask, princess,” I started, managing to get a nice meager glare that I returned with a grin, “What do you like about this ‘Adrien’ fellow?”

Marinette gave me a very different, but equally disapproving look.

“Why do you need to know?”

“For me,” I said, as sincerely as I possibly could. “Just curious.”

Marinette walked to the railing and leaned over it, facing down at the street away from me to my right and stayed there, silently, for what must have been half a minute.

“Is it the looks? Being a model and all, I assume all the girls would flock to that.”

“No!” she exclaimed, turning back to me. “I mean, he’s good-looking, yeah. He knows how to play the piano, speak Chinese, practices fencing. And… more than that he’s smart, he’s kind, and even though he’s a model and his dad is a famous designer, he’s so humble about it, he’s just… perfect…”

She breathed the last few words. They stung me, despite how hard they were to even make out. Marinette had it bad. No wonder she could relate to how I felt about Ladybug. No wonder she wasn’t afraid to call me out.

“Well I think I’ll be heading out for the night. I’ve kept my princess from her bed too long,” I said, pulling myself up to hunch on top of the railing.

“But what about Ladybug?” Marinette asked, looking genuinely concerned.

“It’s fine. You’ve actually been a great help, Marinette,” I answered, grin turning to an uneasy frown as I continued, “But… would you mind if I stopped by some nights? You know, to talk? I won’t bother you if you’re asleep or anything, I just…”

“Of course,” Marinette cut in as I trailed off, flashing me a smile.

It was a good smile. A pure one.

“Thanks,” I said, returning the favor. “Oh, but one last thing.”

I stood up straight on the railing now, turning away and twisting my head back to her as I spoke.

“Celebrity crushes can be troublesome if you’re not careful,” I said, “Try not to build him up too much now. For your own sake.”

Marinette nodded, knowingly.

“Couldn’t I say the same for you, Chat?”

“Yeah… I guess you have a point,” I responded, winking, “Night, princess.”

 - - - - - - - - - -

After spending so much of my night talking to Marinette, I knew I wasn’t much room for sleep, but the contents of the conversation were going to make sure I got none altogether.

“You know,” Plagg called out, in the middle of taking bites out of a midnight snack from somewhere in the shadows of the expansive room. “I’m surprised Ladybug _hasn’t_ gotten upset with you, yet.”

I didn’t have any idea of how to respond to him.

“I know if someone kept trying to win my love over cheese, I’d be very upset,” a few seconds passed as he took another few, loud bites. “Why do you think that is?”

“You’ve heard her before, she _needs_ Chat.”

I just still wasn’t sure if she _wanted_ Chat.


	2. A Boy, a Bug, and an Angry Bee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien's doubt and fears are compounded when he inadvertently causes Chloe to become akumatized.

Marinette’s answer to Chat ate at me for the next few days. I’d tried to not let it affect me, but it was rough. I often found my mind wandering to it in the middle of class, only fished out when Nino shifted in the seat next to me or I heard my name being called. Neither case ever ended well.

I’m pretty sure the whole class noticed, and as usual, Nino was the first to ask about it.

“Just having some issues with my dad. It’s fine.” I had responded.

“Dude, you really need to tell him off one of these days, ya know?”

This advice might have been of some help if my relationship with my father had gotten any worse recently, but for a while now, it’d maintained itself as ‘not the worst thing going on in my life at the moment.’ At the very least, he hadn’t gotten me another pen for my birthday this year.

After that, no one really approached me about it. Generally, I think people had figured out that there wasn’t really much I could do when it came to my relationship with may father, and one way or another I’d probably get over it.

“Hey Adrien.” Marinette, of all people, greeted me outside the school on the third day after I had met her on her balcony as Chat Noir.

I shouldn’t have expected any less of her. She was observant, and that was probably double or more for the boy she had a crush on. It had been three days. She must have realized my father wasn’t causing whatever it was she was noticing in me. What I wasn’t expecting was how little trouble she had getting her words out.

“You’ve been down for a few days, so I was wondering if something was bothering you?” she asked.

All of a sudden I was the one with a hard time getting a word out. By the red gracing her cheeks, I must have stared with an awed look for just a little too long– still not exactly sure how I should respond. I would have added a little Chat to my voice in order to answer if only Marinette wasn’t already so familiar with that side of me. There was no way I was taking that risk.

“I-I’m fine,” I managed to get out. “I’m actually feeling a lot better than I was a few days ago.”

“Are you sure?” she asked.

Even after giving her a smile, she wasn’t buying it.

“Yeah, I promi-.” I started.

“Adrien!” an approaching voice called out from behind me.

A chill ran down my spine before I felt the embrace of the only person I did not want to see in that moment. If there was anyone that was completely oblivious to how others were feeling– as I had realized in the past three days, to likely no one else’s surprise– it was Chloe.

Marinette took several steps back as the blonde girl wrapped her arms around me.

“Oh my Adrien, we’ve been apart for far too long!” she exclaimed.

For one reason or another, she was overreacting today.

“Uh, didn’t we see each other in class yesterday?” I responded, leaning back, hoping she’d let go.

“Exactly!” she responded, pulling back momentarily only to give a glance towards Marinette before leaning in on her toes in an attempt to give me a kiss.

So that’s what this was about.

Her eyes flew open when her mouth was halted with the palm of my hand, and her arms loosened just enough for me to escape her grasp and take a few steps back myself.

“Adrien?” she asked, bewildered.

Anyone within earshot had stopped and were looking at us, stunned. Without anywhere to really look, I ended up just glancing between Chloe and the ground. Usually, I’d be able to deal with her, but not today.

“What’s wrong?”

“Why?” I asked her, sheepishly, “Why do you keep doing that?”

“Why?” she echoed, still completely oblivious as to what was happening to her. To this day, I’m not even sure she’s ever been rejected so cleanly. “Because we’re so close obviously! You wouldn’t want to give someone _else_ some ideas, now would you?”

“ _Ideas_?” I responded, “What ideas should who not get?”

“Adrien?” she asked desperately, as I took another two steps back, now standing next to Marinette.

“Chloe, you and I aren’t together, stop acting like we are,” I said more forcefully.

As I shifted my stance, Marinette’s shoulder nudged against mine, and my mind flashed through everything she’d said a few nights ago about how Chloe acted towards me.

The contact must have caused some sort of reaction from Marinette as Chloe glanced over at her, when my eyes followed, they found themselves locked with Marinette’s own for a second before we both found ourselves unable to stand each other’s gaze any longer. Marinette looked towards the ground, and I looked back at Chloe.

By the look of rage on her face and the tears in her eyes, she must have seen the eye contact and come to her own conclusion.

“You little bitch, you’re trying to steal him from m-.”

“Chloe!” I yelled, stepping in front of Chloe to shield Marinette. “This isn’t about her, it’s about you. Stop acting like you own me, I’m not your property.”

This was bad. I’d never acted out like that before in my life– at least not when behind a mask. Was it too much? Would my father reprimand me? If what I had said to her didn’t feel so right, I might have thought to give an apology. Chloe certainly seemed to be waiting for one. An awkward silence surrounded us as everyone stared, and it wasn’t long until Chloe finally couldn’t bear being at the center of it any longer.

“Adrien, I-I hate you!” she yelled, before storming off into the building.

It honestly surprised me how satisfying it was to hear her say that.

“Um, Adrien?” Marinette shyly called from behind me.

I turned around, smiling. “Are you alright? I’m sorry you got dragged into that.”

Her face quickly dipped into a deep red when she found herself unable to answer. She just barely managed out a nod.

“Alright, I’ll see you in class then,” I said, winking with a smile as I started walking into the school.

I really am unfair sometimes.

 

\- - - - - - - - - -

 

I should have seen it coming.

Chloe hadn’t showed up to the morning classes. Even though her absence was clearly my fault, I was probably the only person in the room blaming myself for it. Everyone else knew Chloe well enough to know she had it coming. Though that didn’t mean that I didn’t feel bad about it.

That feeling multiplied exponentially when an akuma burst through the front of the door of the school, its clear wings and yellow gown expanded over the concrete floor.

“Subjects, bow before me and do my bidding for I am your master, Queen Bee!” it declared.

Without question, it was Chloe.

Once she had finished her declaration, she almost immediately turned towards our room. If she was akumatized over me, I assumed I’d be the first person she would go after– either to claim me for her own, or worse.

I managed to duck out of sight just before she saw me, and as I did, everyone else in the room started scrambling to get away. Quickly, I moved to the row behind me, checking for Marinette. There was a chance Chloe would only try to capture me, but if she spotted her, no doubt she’d try to eliminate her entirely.

I wouldn’t let that happen.

Unfortunately it looked like she’d already tried to escape. I cursed myself, realizing that not only was Marinette no safer, but I had just missed an opportunity to find a hideaway to transform into Chat by blending into the crowd.

Yet somehow, I still found some luck: everyone else had vacated the room.

“Plagg, claws out.”

“Finally, you say something fun!”

I found a good spot to scout out the situation from above on top of the school’s roof.

Queen Bee had most of the students and staff lined up in front of her in rows in the school courtyard, much like a military unit ready to march. Buzzing around each of their heads was a shiny little bumblebee.

“It looks like she controls the students with the bees somehow. We might be able to break them out of her control if we just separate them,” said a feminine voice behind me.

I slowly turned my head to the side to offer a welcoming glance to the person I’d already recognized from the first syllable that left her mouth. The second my gaze locked with her ocean blue eyes I immediately snapped my head back to focus on the situation below us.

“It looks like at least a few of the students got away,” I responded. Which was technically true. At the very least I did not recognize Marinette’s head in the crowd.

“So it looks like this time Hawkmoth got to Chloe,” she sighed, apparently even less surprised than I’d been.

“What,” I started, glancing back at her with a slight grin, “Did the mirror she keeps staring into not give it away, my lady?”

I wasn’t sure what the look she gave me at the end of the sentence was supposed to tell me, but then again, I wasn’t looking at her long enough to find out. The pet name was going to be a hard force of habit to crack. At least she chuckled after.

“That mirror’s probably the item that the akuma is hiding in,” she noted.

We’d both come to that conclusion. The mirror was basically attached to her hand from what I could tell, and knowing Chloe, she had probably been checking herself in the mirror to freshen up when the akuma took hold.

“Can’t be that hard to get,” I said as I stood up, “Just leave the mirror breaking to me, my lady. I’ve already got all the bad luck in the world.”

As if by some premonition, I immediately followed up those words by tripping forward and falling right into the courtyard. I’m sure Ladybug had plastered her palm to her face before I even landed.

The ground hurt, but even now I can barely remember what happened next. All that consumed my mind in that moment was a constant, intolerable buzzing. Queen Bee had caught me in her clutches.

“Cataclysm!” I hard myself say.

“Chat!” I heard some horrifying voice yell.

Even though I hadn’t much idea what I was doing, my stomach churned. My powers of destruction activating and Ladybug’s scream were two things that together had haunted my dreams on occasion ever since I’d fallen for her.

I was grateful that I must have missed.

Though not for what happened next.

“Hold still,” I heard Ladybug’s voice call to me.

A sharp pain rang through the side of my skull as the buzzing ceased and I toppled to the floor. Gripping my head in pain, I looked back up to see Ladybug holding my staff in her hands, looking rather horrified at how harshly she rung my bell.

“Chat! Sorry, I was trying to hit the bee,” she said, kneeling over me, apologetically.

“It’s fine, my lady,” I said, rubbing my head as I managed to sit up.

A beep interrupted us.

“Crap, we’re going to have to finish her off now or else I need to find a place to recharge and fast,” I said, panicking.

Ladybug didn’t panic. Instead she picked me up in both arms and jumped up onto the roof, leaping away to try to give us some space.

My mother used to call me her little prince a lot as a child. I don’t think this is what she meant.

“Get away quick, I’ll lure her away to buy you some time and we’ll get her when you get back,” she ordered, setting me down and checking to make sure my head wasn’t still ringing too much for me to get away.

“But what about you? I can’t just leave you!” I responded. I couldn’t, maybe even more than I understood.

She patted me on the head.

“I’ll be alright, kitty cat. Just hurry back, alright?” she said.

I couldn’t muster up anything to say, so instead I just nodded under her hand.

Another beep signaled that we should both get moving, and Ladybug swung over the nearest building and out of sight.

I quickly found an empty alleyway and released my transformation. The sound of buzzing bees wasn’t too near, but still not far enough to exude any comfort. I had to get back to Ladybug quickly, and I couldn’t let myself be captured in my civilian form or she’d bee waiting forever.

“Come on, Adrien. I need some cheese,” Plagg said, whining the second he came out of the ring and landed in my hands.

The problem was that I’d left all emergency cheese in my bag at school, and heading that way would likely put me right in the path of Queen Bee yet again. My best option would be my house. It was in the same direction as the school, but there was a better chance of avoiding the akuma if I went the long way there.

I was nearly a block away when a buzzing noise erupted from a nearby intersection. I was just barely able to dive behind a car before I saw the Queen Bee and a swarm of her minions pass by. I waited there, with bated breath. I couldn’t let her catch me. Ladybug needed me.

Ladybug…

“Adrien?” I heard someone gasp softly near me.

I turned and there she was. Ladybug.

I shouldn’t have been surprised that she recognized, seeing as my face was all over for my father’s advertisements, but I couldn’t help myself from blushing.

She motioned with her finger for me to stay silent before running over to me.

“Are you alright?” she asked.

I nodded silently– bewildered that she was worried about me. _Me_. _Adrien_.

“The Queen Bee is after you, do you mind if I help you to safety?” she asked.

I didn’t say a word. I just nodded. As if she even needed to ask…

For the second time in the same day, I was being carried in her arms. As down as I had been about her all week, I’d never been so happy in my life. I was a little lucky she never looked in my direction the entire time she was carrying me. I’m not sure I could have handled our eyes meeting like that.

After a few seconds, she found an empty alleyway further away from Queen Bee, but close enough to get back to quickly, and set me down. I was expecting her to leave immediately but instead she moved to the end of the alley and crouched down, looking around the corner warily.

“Don’t you need to get back to fight the akuma?” I asked, realizing that as much as I had enjoyed her being so close, I needed to get away so I could get cheese for Plagg and get back to helping her as Chat Noir.

“Soon. But my partner’s currently out of commission. I can’t beat her without him,” she responded.

As little as it did to help my own disposition, that was still warming to hear.

“So what are you going to do?” I asked.

“I’ll have to wait until he comes back,” she turned, smiling a bit shyly in a way that I hadn’t seen from her maybe ever, “You don’t mind my company for a little while, do you?”

She was going to kill me. Either with compassion or irony. Either way, I could hardly breathe.

I shook my head.

“What if he doesn’t come?” I asked.

I needed to do something, or else Chat wouldn’t.

“He’ll come. I trust him with my life,” she responded.

I wanted to tell her who I was right there. Tell her everything and confess my love to her. I wanted to solve everything, but I couldn’t. She didn’t want us to share our identities. Even if it helped us here, I couldn’t tell her. It’d be unfair to her. She trusted me too much to betray it.

“So are you two…?” I wanted to say something along the lines of “friends.” I worded it too poorly. The worst way I possibly could, actually.

She turned to me with wide eyes.

“N-no! Not at all,” she said, exasperated. “There’s nothing between us.”

I’m not sure what the expression was on my face, but it couldn’t have been good. She must have taken it as a sign that she needed to push the point further.

“He might flirt a lot, and sure I flirt back sometimes, but it’s just to keep him happy since we work together. I promise you there’s nothing there. He’s more of an annoyance than a love interest!”

I couldn’t tell then, but she didn’t mean everything she said. She was overemphasizing for reasons I couldn’t comprehend. Maybe if I knew that, her words wouldn’t have hit as hard.

In that moment, I hated every fiber of my being. All of it. I wanted to die. I wanted Chat Noir to disappear forever. I wanted to throw away my ring and leave Plagg to starve.

I didn’t mean that, and I hated myself even more.

“Oh crap,” I heard Ladybug say under her breath as she moved towards me once again. “Queen Bee’s headed this way. We have to move.”

I nodded, realizing she was going to carry me again.

We were several blocks further east when she mumbled, “wait”, and landed in the middle of a wide street, setting me down.

“What is it?” I asked, coming out of my daze.

“I have a plan, but I need you to trust me,” she said, continuing when I nodded, “She’s going after you, but if this works, I can distract her and you’ll be home free. Alright?”

I nodded again.

Of course I trusted her completely. And even if she didn’t like Chat, she still trusted him, and this was my chance to not let her down. In a way, I was just returning a favor.

I just needed to get away.

“Sorry,” she said.

Any sound of approaching buzzing was drowned out as my mind lost all focus.

It took me a few seconds to process what was happening, but one thing was for certain: Ladybug’s lips were definitely locked with mine.

They were so soft. Was it possible for a kiss to be everything I’d imagined it would be? How could my mind shut down from just a touch?

When her lips parted with mine, and my mind came back to the real world, I realized my eyes had almost completely closed and my hands had settled on her hips.

I might have stayed that way if I didn’t see how red her own cheeks had become and immediately took a step back to give her some room.

“S-sorry,” I said, wanting to run my head right into a wall.

“It’s fine,” she said, putting a hand to her mouth and giggling in a way I don’t think she’d ever even done towards me as Chat. “I kinda liked it.”

I almost fainted when she winked.

“Get your hands off of him!” A yell bellowed from down the street.

We were both quickly reminded what the situation was as we turned to face Queen Bee, who was swiftly approaching us. She had seen the kiss, and she was not in a good mood about it.

“He’s mine!” she screamed.

“Not as long as I’m here, honey!” Ladybug said chidingly.

The fact that she added on the pun made her confident response even more attractive.

“Get out of here, Adrien. I’ve gotten her distracted,” she ordered.

“Right!” I said, fleeing and leaving Ladybug alone to fight the akuma for the second time in the same day.

I ran as fast as I could to get back to my house. Every sound around me made me afraid that Queen Bee had caught me, or even worse, that she’d caught Ladybug.

“Finally!” Plagg yelled exuberantly as he dove into the rainy day pile of cheese.

“Hurry up, Plagg,” I begged, constantly glancing out the window.

I have to thank my lady’s lucky spots that Plagg was in a good mood today. He gave me one look and realized how worried I was. As annoying as he found my feelings toward Ladybug, he would at least do this much for me.

“Yeah, yeah, claws out. I know,” he said, sighing.

“You’re the best, Plagg, I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

Plagg nodded, smirking. He’d get me back after the fact.

 

\- - - - - - - - - -

 

The akuma had cornered Ladybug when I finally arrived on the scene. I cursed myself for taking so long. Part of me was happy that this could be the moment I showed up and saved her– like a knight in shining skin-tight leather armor. The other part of me chastised me for still wanting to act like that around a girl that didn’t want me to.

I could still be the knight in skin-tight leather to show up at the last second and save the girl, I just couldn’t be shining.

“Alright, my servants! Get her miraculous!” Queen Bee yelled as she pushed her hand forward, holding the mirror out in front of her as if it were a sword. Big mistake.

“Cataclysm!” I said, grinning maniacally as I leapt from the rooftop and came down on the mirror perfectly, wrapping my hand around it. No Lucky Charm necessary.

Ladybug had the akuma purified seconds later.

When her powers had finally reversed all the damage the akuma had caused, she turned her head to me. I couldn’t tell if she had something to say, or if she was expecting me to say something.

“What, no witty response?” she asked, with a tone that confused me with how worrisome it sounded.

I didn’t have anything to say. I couldn’t flirt with her after what she told me as Adrien, could I? And I certainly couldn’t talk about what she’d said. I was left without anything to say, so I said the first thing that came to mind.

“Ladybug?” I started.

“Yes Chat?” she asked, walking up just beside me.

I was having a hard time getting anything out of my mouth. I couldn’t even look her in the eye.

“A-are we friends?” I asked, my voice breaking.

“Chat,” she started immediately, pausing as she laid a hand on my shoulder. “Of co-.”

She stopped as I recoiled to her touch, almost sprinting away from her for a few steps before halting myself.

I needed to say it. I needed to then or else I’d never be able to.

“I’m sorry, Ladybug,” I said, teeth clenched.

I glanced back at her, her eyes widened as I followed up the apology. Was she as close to tears as I was? Did my words push her over the edge like they did to me?

I couldn’t tell you.

I ran the second the words left my mouth.

She didn’t follow. I can’t even remember if she called after me.

All that I left her with were three words.

“I love you.”

 

\- - - - - - - - - -

 

Plague was going to yell at me later. Actually, he’d already yelled at me quite a bit before we’d transformed again. After all, we’d only just returned so that Plagg could eat up. I had paced for a few minutes, panicking over what I had told Ladybug, before finally pulling him back into the ring and heading back out.

And now here I was, back again on Marinette’s roof.

I’m not even sure anyone was home when I first arrived. Then again I didn’t have enough motivation to check. When I looked into the skylight on her balcony and saw the lights out, I crept back to the far railing and curled up against the steel bars.

No one would notice me in the dark like this. And I doubted anyone would be looking to find me up there anyway.

I must have sat there in the cold for a while silently trying not to think about anything. Doing so would have brought my mind back to her, and I couldn’t let that happen. Not yet. I needed someone to comfort me when my mind went there.

I felt a blanket being gently drawn around my shoulders, soft hands tucking me into it.

I looked up to find Marinette kneeling in front of me, her face worried, and growing even more distressed as she saw the look on my own. I hadn’t heard her approach, but I was so happy she was here.

Once she had properly tucked the blanket in, she sat herself beside me.

“Are you alright, Chat?” she asked, clearly having figured out that that couldn’t possibly be the case.

We sat in silence for several minutes, though I couldn’t tell you if those minutes had become hours. The time jumped between moving so fast and so slow in my time on that rooftop, and Marinette was content in waiting on me to talk.

“I’m sorry for just showing up out of the blue,” I finally apologized. She deserved at least that much from me.

“It’s fine Chat, I told you that you could talk to me whenever, didn’t I?” she gave a smile that I’d recognize anywhere. It’s the kind of smile I used to hide my own pain.

“You’re really amazing, you know that, Marinette?” I said.

She didn’t respond. She only looked at me– perhaps a little confused at the sudden compliment.

“You’re brave, and smart. You’re always so nice to me,” I continued, “You could have just ignored me, or pushed me away. Instead you brought me a blanket, and here you are, willing to sit with me until I feel like talking. It’s just... you’re so amazing.”

Marinette was blushing a little. I didn’t mean to do that to her, but it made me smile.

“Why are you telling me all this?” she asked, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye.

“I’m just… thankful,” I responded, “I don’t have that many friends. And, well, you’ve shown more care to me in two nights than any of them have shown me in my entire life. I’m just really happy that you’re my friend. I just…”

I trailed off as she started tearing up as well.

“You dumb cat,” she said between sobs as she wrapped her arms around me.

I joined her in tears.

We sat there for a while longer, not saying anything to each other. She didn’t push any further on the subject, even though I’m sure she wanted to. At a certain point, maybe mere minutes, maybe hours, she finally wiped her tears away, addressing me without pulling her shoulder away from mine.

“Are you going to be alright, Chat?” she asked.

“I just might,” I answered, “But um… I can come back if I need to, right?”

“Didn’t I already answer that question last time?” she said, smiling.

I chuckled, still not feeling much urge to leave.

“You certainly did.”

I’d open up to her. Eventually.

I hadn’t felt that someone cared about me as much as she did since Ladybug.

I really am an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you crying? I'm crying.
> 
> And I still don't apologize.
> 
> Thanks to Berk for offering some small edits.
> 
> I promise chapter 3 will have some more fluff.
> 
> And more angst. Always more angst.
> 
> MUAHAHAHAHAHA

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone thank Taylor for making this take a week longer than it needed to be. Her drawings and fics are too big of distractions.
> 
> Planning on making this a 3-parter. Don't know if there's any need to go farther, but if it is, I'll keep it going.
> 
> If your heart gets destroyed, I do not apologize.


End file.
